Be A Validator

Years ago, when I was making my living traveling as a musician/entertainer and performing in 40 states, every province of Canada and five countries in Asia, I had a keyboard player who loved to give people nicnames.  Mine was “The List”, based on his observation that it appeared to him that I had an ongoing list which I would add to and cross items off of.  I still do this, and possibly it’s more important now since, as they say, “my memory ain’t what it used to be.”

All this is to lead up to what I want to share this time - Be A Validator.  A validator is someone who contributes to the feelings of well being, self image, motivation, positive attitudes, self esteem, and success of another person.  An in-valuator tears down one or all of the above.  Here are a few ways (yep, a list)  you can validate people to improve your motivation as well as theirs, whether they are a spouse, child, friend, relative, customer, fellow employee. Of course, some are more appropriate than others depending on the relationship you have with them.

  1.   Listen to them.
  2.   Ask their opinion.
  3.   Ask them questions on what they just said and communicate with them.
  4.   Be on time for meetings or obligations.
  5.   Don’t interrupt them while they are talking; look them in the eye while they talk.
  6.   See the positives in them and believe in them.
  7.   Accept them for who they are as well as who they are becoming.
  8.   Forgive them for errors of any kind.
  9.   Spend focused time with them and support them emotionally.
  10.  Offer help when you know they want it but won’t ask for it.
  11.  Compliment them for something, anything, everything.
  12.  Surprise them with something; a card, a call, an email, a letter, a visit.
  13.  Don’t judge their opionions and don’t try and change them.
  14.  Smile at them and thank them for their smile, their thoughtfulness, for caring.
  15.  Keep in touch with them.

People like to be around people who validate them and they dislike being around

people who invalidate them.  Wlhich are you most of the time?   This might give you a good start but don’t just rely on these, why not come up with some of your own.

t the la     © Dick Caldwell 2012